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This website is dedicated to those struggling to heal from violation. It is comprised of two parts:  a public side and a side for members only.

We hope you find the free information on this public side to be useful, yet not over- whelming. If you find this information helpful, you may have a need for the the kind of in-depth materials located on the "Members Only" side. The information on the Members Only side is continually updated.

 

You are welcome here. You are welcome to go as fast or as slow as you need to as you meet your needs, whether that need is to learn, to grow, to heal, or to learn to help others.

 

After 30 years in the business of helping people to heal from the trauma of abuse and sexual violation, Dr. Max Haskett has come to some profound understandings related to the different level of healing.

Simply put, he believes there are trauma habits and and trauma bonds, neither of which is simple to live with, but more importantly the healing of trauma habits and trauma bonds do not follow the same paths. This was a significant break-through Dr. Haskett made more than a decade ago. He found the words for what many people had discovered - that some people heal more quickly than others. Dr. Haskett and other pioneers have discovered many of the reasons why these differences exist. See the menu tab "Resources" for more information.

 

Many helping organizations will want to find direction through the members only side because it is rich with stepwise solutions to the painful consequence individuals suffer from having been violated. Dr. Haskett is personally familiar with the journey of healing from trauma. His full resume is many pages and is available upon request. We have abbreviated his resume for you under the "About this Site" menu tab. He is always open to questions that you may have related to his credibility and insights.

Begin

The way to begin is to just start. The information on this site has been chosen to represent a specific audience. Move through definitions, terms and introductions as you choose. Key words are located to your left to help you navigate this open side of the site. You may soon notice we avoid labels about persons who have been abused. We believe you are more than a label of any sort.  We also believe that the more information you  have, the be equipped you will be to handle issues, circumstances, relationships and difficulties.

As you read, your awareness may grow ... both of things you knew and things you might have never thought too much about. Your awareness is a sign of growth and a new beginning.


Safety

Themes around safety will dominate both the public and member sides of this site because, frankly, nothing is quite so important to a hurting individual than to find safety - a safe environment, safe support, safe instructions, and non-shaming, safe help. The repetition of this theme is intentional. It is essential both in healing and in preventing more hurt in the future.

Without safety, support cannot happen. Without safety and support, finding a healing path can become torturous, and full of repeated errors. The wounded individual believes the mistakes they make are because they have something wrong with who they are. Dignity and Respect for yourself, and each other, is at the core of becoming healthy and whole. Sometimes those who have been wounded hear those words but have no receiving place for them. Be patient and continue your search for the answers for which you are truly worthy of having, whether you believe it or not. A belief in your own goodness (in the beginning) is not required for you to succeed at the goal. And what is safe to say is a healthy goal? For now, maybe we can share goals. Here is one of ours:  Let us help you to achieve 51%!


A Goal


We understand that violations involve complicated events, emotions, and memories. Despite the brevity with which we deal with these complicated issues on the public side of this site, we are aware of the task of identifying feelings, clarifying thoughts, and freeing ourselves from the memories of trauma, all of which can be experienced as enormous and overwhelming. The members only side accommodates the need to address the true size of a survivor's needs.

You may be aware of your need for support. However, supporting those who have suffered trauma can be extremely challenging as well. Caring often collides with the fatigue of needing to care for oneself in addition to caring for someone else. Our goals include untangling the confusion that can accompany both sets of needs.


We offer quality information for healing and thriving. Human naturally slide up and down between more and less pain. This slope my represent several continuums. Whether it is about feelings, volume of discomfort, numbers of bad events, or current pain - we experience these aspects of life on continuums. For example, we often simplify this to saying we have had either a good or a bad day.

Life circumstances may change, but how we address them also changes. It is hard to think about solving our problems while spinning on a giant wheel.

Dr. Haskett and other pioneers in this field have discovered why "small" amounts of abuse may be as devastating to an individual as "large" amounts of abuse to someone else. This site will not be about comparing your pain to the pain of anyone else - ever.

However, assessment can be a helpful factor because generally speaking, the greater the harm, the greater the effort needed to heal. At a certain point in the healing process, we call it 51%, a paradigm shift happens within the emotional structure of an individual. At this so-called 51% point, the individual experiences a sense of certainty of their well-being, a sense they CAN move into a better future. It is a turning point for those who have felt pain for a long time.

This may seem strange, but we want to help you attain that point we call 51%, because at this point you will have a deep and clear understanding that you are indeed ENOUGH. There may still  be healing to do, work and assignments to complete, relationships to mend, and more life to explore, but beyond 51%, you will move into it with hope!

Support

Hopefully, some of you using this site will be helpers, social workers, pastors, or companions who are wanting to help those who are struggling with their histories of abuse. We welcome you and believe you are a vital part of the healing of our wounded friends. Many assignments inside of the stepwise instructions on the members only side involve the healthy interactions with members of a support community. We believe in helping the helpers too.

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While information contained in this website is assumed correct and accurate, no warranty is given or implied regarding the accuracy of said information.
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